the game...

so I've been practicing my patience is a virtue mindset and I've been "doing me". lol. we've all done it, looking good because you can, going out, flirting a little. so predictable but so necessary. went out and had fun, seriously i had fun, and what do you know, it's when you are actually having fun and not sitting by the damn phone when he actually will call. he called. i didnt answer. partly because i was busy, but also because i didnt know what to say. he left a voice mail and it was bitter sweet. the sweet side is knowing that he cares, i can hear it in his nervousness, his random msg that says nothing but attempts to say everything. the bitter side is that it isnt enough - we both know it and I'm scared to face those facts. so as i sit and i wait, plan and plot what i will say when i call, when i lay down the law. and i laugh. i laugh so hard because it is so funny how when i finally speak to him i will say what is necessary but never say how i truly feel. i will act in control of the situation, be reasonable, practical and calm. but on the inside all i want to do is say how much i enjoy his company, how he makes me smile and laugh, and i just want us to be normal. but unfortunately we threw normal out the window a long time ago and now its just a fight for me to do what i know i need to do. does the game ever end?? i feel like the game starts when we begin realizing boys can be more than friends, right up until we get married. the game gets even more intense in our twenties..the game we play in pre-dating phases when you are 'playing hard to get', making sure he respects you and showing that you are interested all at the same time. exhausting. then in relationships its always making sure your standards are respected, that power play dance and making sure he knows he's got a good thing all at the same time. exhausting! then the break up game - being a boss bitch on the outside yet crying bitter, sad tears on the inside - so exhausting! does true love mean there are no games anymore? or do the games go on, no matter what the age or situation?