Dang...

We all have a guy we perve over!!! Dang...

hmmm?

twenteaSumthing... hmmm??? confusion is the very word that comes to mind when I think of being a twenteaSumthing.

You like him, or maybe you love him? You have been with him for four years, should you be getting married? Everyone else seems to be, why are you not feeling the same way? Or are you feeling it and just telling yourself you're not...No you're not, or maybe. hmmm?

You wish you had a bf, someone to cuddle, call you every night before you shut your eyes, someone for YOU. Where is he? Is he the guy you find cute in your Ethics class, the guy across the building from where you work, or your friend's mate you were introduced to while you were out last weekend? Hmmm, "but maybe being single isnt that bad", you think, your last relationship left you burnt, your sister got a devasting shocker when she found out her bf of 9 years was married, you girlfriend suspects her man is cheating, and you find yourself concluding - from time to time, even though you ARE concluding and it should stop there, this same conclusion seems to be reconcluded, that men are full of shit. Hmmm are they all?

This job you wake up to go to every bleeding morning is not where you had planned to be working after grad. Were you not supposed to be in a power suit, presenting a marketing plan to the Directors at Anglo Platinum or Octagon or at least a friggin known name multinational corporation??? What are you doing at this no name, going nowhere slowly company that has a BIG VISION and "all we need to do is ABC, generate leads and push" to ONE day become a well established market leader? Is that your vision? Is that where you wanna be 20 years from now? But then right now, do you have enough working experience to be elsewhere? Do you? Hmmm???

Is the weight you are gaining really natural, seeing as you are in your twenteas, and you are developing into a woman? Or is that the fat from all those nights you go out and drink to your hearts desire, leave the club and order a boerwors roll, or maybe even two, with mustard and ketchup and oil sitting in a nice big fat bun? That blackforest cake you crave, then buy and have with a few glasses of wine after a huge pasta dish you made, could that be it??? Hmmm???

So you start jogging and develop a diet that requires discipline and a radical change to your lifestyle and mental processes, and you are convinced, this time, just THIS TIME, you can do it, you are focused, for once THIS TIME. Will you succumb to these twenteapressures and keep layering that flab? Or will your fears of turning into those doombuzz, invisible-collerbone, love handled chics in their twenteas keep you jogging??? hmmm??? Will the crunk gwaza that is out till 4 am, starving like a mutha actually stay AWAY from that boerwors stand??? Hmmm???

confusion is the very word that comes to mind when I think of twenteaSumthing.

the grass is always greener...

so there are alot of mackers, quite alot. the most recent edition has all the stats a girl would want. tall, dark and handsome. a body to die for. seems sweet. not majorly interesting but will do. tax analyst for a few years. hello!!! and all i can think about the whole time he is telling me about his feelings for me, how he is gonna come out and visit me, how he wants to take me out to lunch tomorrow, is the fact that i wish it was you saying all this. i wish it was you looking at me like that. i wish you had the time and the drive to talk to me. i wish we could go on a real date. so sad, so silly. these thoughts will have to be regulated. but i guess its true that the grass is always greener, coz right now my grass is in need of some cultivation. and i wish it was you.

i know i shouldnt be smiling but..

i'm being so silly..i shouldnt be smiling at all, especially because of my recent thoughts about men and relationships. but seeing him made me smile, ok lets get serious, it made me jump a bit inside. seeing how happy he was to see me made me smile too. our conversation made me smile. i mean it was junk really. total junk. i wasnt even listening to him half the time, i was just so happy to see him. i know, i know, i shouldnt be smiling, and yes i did act bossy and nonchalent. i did act quite calm (ok a few giggles came out, but give a girl a break). and it is inappropriate, we are definitely friends, but its a long time since anyone made me feel like that. happy. giddy. smiley. and happy that they felt happy, giddy and smiley too. i cant express the emotions but just give me one night to feel good about them. because its been a long time since ive felt that chemistry and that happiness. and though absolutely nothing will come of it (at least in the present) - it felt good. so i'm smiling, for now..