Mr Delusional meets your Evolved Self

Ok, I must apologise for the yucky appearance of my blog. It looks like someone puked their christmas pudding that happened to have mustard in it. For some reason I choose to play around with the design of my blog during office hours and then it gets stuck on the yucky themes. Well anywho, after being held at gunpoint by my cousin @MissNySho on Twitter for not posting in years I decided it was high time I came and blabbered a little.

Today my sisters and I were having a lengthly discussion about delusional men and how women have evolved over time. There are some men out there that still think they can faff around on YOUR time and expect to find you sitting where they left you while they were having their cake and chowing it. They fail to see that while they are trying to decide between you and another girl, the evolved woman in you is moving the fuck forward and when they finally wake up and smell the stale, cold coffee, you can barely remember what he was good for.

This delusional man will go AWOL on your ass, you won't hear from him in two whole days because he was 'too busy' or 'didn't feel like talking to anyone". ANYONE?

Mr Delusional will waste your sweet time in the relationship with his stinking arrogant attitude, acting like your Evolved Self begged to be in the relationship. You may ask him why he has locked his phone with an 8 character password or why he goes to whisper in his room when he gets a call at 11pm, or why you have to keep reminding him that you exist and he is lucky to have you. You could find yourself begging for sex because it's been a BLAZING HOT MINUTE since you got some decent shags. Your Evolved Self might even find yourself wondering why he never calls and only communicates with you on Gtalk or when he has an sms bundle.

The day always comes when your Evolved Self dumps the deluded effer and the funniest thing is that Mr Delusional catches a hot wake up clap only to find that you aren't going back to his shit. I am glad to say that women are evolving, thanks to the help of the many Mr Delusional's we have dated. We used to stick around for that crap, we may even still be in a rut facing that crap but we are evolving and those clueless twits will be left with no choice but to catch a wake up.

This here post goes out to all the deluded effers that didn't know what time it was.

Thanks

This post is all about gratitude. My close friend Tendi (to the right) got her work permit today after waiting since May for it. It got denied and after days of prayer and fasting it is finally out!!!

The struggles we face in life are all tests and lessons. At the end of the day, God is in control. Life in our twenties is full of emotional turmoil, second guessing, self esteem issues, fucking weight gain, scandals, the works. Its all a learning process. Will we ever know who we are? Will we ever know what its all about?

Whatever the case, I feel sooooo grateful to God for friendship, for opportunities, education, family, life.

Life oh life

My big eyes hurt. They hurt not because I have been crying about a
silly boy but becoz I am typing this post at midnight when I shud be
sleeping and my eyes are always glued to this blackberry and my work
PC screen. But sore eyes won't get in the way of me and this moment.
This is a momentous occasion, I am chatty and there is COMPLETE
silence around me. This is priceless. I can actually think and hear my
inner thoughts.

Well, Hello. Hi :) Life on my end is so fast paced. Its like I'm in an
underground train with no stops. It just keeps moving. Funny coz this
time last year I felt like I was waiting at a train stop, for a train
that didn't seem to be arriving. Life has changed. I couldn't have
predicted my current situation three months ago. I had just quit my
job and was ready for uncertainty. Now I find myself in a rather
predictable routine and who would've guessed I'd be here.

A scary thing I try not to admit is that I get bored of routine. I
love the thrilling experience of not knowing, daring to take risks,
moving forward into something new, kind of like reinventing myself as
I grow up. I am soooo happy in my job, I really am, but do I have
staying power? Guess we'll have to wait and see...

I miss sex. I don't get it these days. Actually, its been a WHILE. I
also miss that stalkerish company that only comes with a boyfriend.
Sharing a bed and cuddling is as rare as shooting stars nowadays and
getting kissed only happens with meaningless randoms that have the
taste of alcohol pasted to their tongues.

It is, however, amazingly refreshing to answer to noone but me. To
wake up everyday and just be able to be myself, independent of someone
else. To not have to bicker with someone or constantly take another
person's feelings into consideration when I'm about to get up to no
good. Ah...the single life!

I have started making pretty skirts that I am selling at rather fair
prices. My only problem is juggling work and meeting the demand for my
skirts. As is I am failing dismally to get this fashion ish started.
Life is hard and growing up even harder, fuck what ya heard!

I'm off to sleep now. The day ahead of me is calling and at this rate
I won't have battery to answer if I don't recharge now...

God's speed. Xxx

Susha

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Sent from my mobile device

Halla

It has been way over a month since I visited this place and shared
some rants with you all. Life has been such a blur to me, all I see
when I look back is the faces of the people I got to bar and club hop
with, the people I got home at 5am in the morning, woke up to a
hangover with and did it all over again like for 6 straight weeks
with. I also get flashes of my first days in the office when I barely
knew who I was there and what I was doing.

My communication skills have been appalling, all my friends can atest
to that. It makes me so sad. I think growing up is taking a toll on my
social side and now I see why adult life is lived with such few
friends. I go through so many thoughts, calculations, deadlines and
calls in a day that when I get home my brain is still working on
overdrive and I'm trying so hard to unwind and relax and get in touch
with Pam. Today is the first morning in a loooong time, that I have
woken up alone, with nothing to do on the agenda. And it is the
scariest thing. I can't find Pam. I am sooo used to being busy or
having someone close that I have kind of lost me for a moment.

I spoke to a blast from the past, my ex non boyfriend that I flung
with last year. We haven't spoken in a coupled of months coz there was
nothing more to say. He had moved on with a new gf and all. I had
finally come to terms with the fact that it was the END. And then he
decides to call me from the sky!!! I was at work when he called and I
slipped out vof the office drama and into a rather schizo convo.
He was telling me he had a few glasses of wine and missed me. Alluded
to the fact that he misses me quite often, wanted to see me. He took
the time out to highlight that he is leaving this Sunday and asked me
90 times where my offices were. Oh my friggin days! Guys are such
opportunists!!! He probably just wanted a quick fix! I don't know how
I feel. But I don't wanna see him. Nah ah.

So like I said I am sitting in bed trying to get in touch with Pam and
a big indicator that I am not in touch is my not being aware of how I
feel about ex-non-bf calling. Ah. Whatevs.

Work is cool, I'm loving it. Its just this week was soooo intense for
me. I am a campaign manager in training. So I assist a campaign
manager to learn what the role entails. This Friday she was away in
Cape Town and I had to be her. It was flames!!!!!!! Heeeee

Oh man got to go! Miss you all

Xxx

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Sent from my mobile device

Wanderlust

I'm back in Joburg now. Got back this morning, rushed home to shower
and prepare for my interview. Had such a jam packed day, but that's
just what wonderwoman is built for.

I used my charm, remained composed and showed the directors that were
interviewing me who I really am and what I bring to the table. I am so
confident that the direction I am headed in is the one I am meant to
be taking and in all honesty all I need to give is my best and the
rest remains in God's hands.

Zim was a breath of fresh air, just what the doctor would have
prescribed for whatever ailment one gets from living in the chaotic,
flustering city called Joburg. No doubt I love JHB, land of
opportunities, concrete jungle where dreams are made of (and where
xenophobic attacks erupt like volcanoes with racial and poverty kind
of lava in them threatening to explode at any moment - random tangent,
sorry).

Zim was exciting, relaxing and especially heartwarming. The night sky
is what all tourists should look forward to. I have never seen such
clear skies. Because the country isn't too lit up the stars are more
visible. I remember being in London and feeling so unmoved and
uninspired by the view of the nightsky.

I got to party like a rockstar, I ate nyummy african food, saw old
friends, visited old places and just connected with my old home town.

I am back with a clear mind and I am happy to be in a clean mental
space. Very lovely place to be as an unemployed...oops I mean
freelancing lady such as myself.

Before I go to bed, I forgot to say, this weekend my ex was popping
into my mind. Zim really reminds me off him coz we spent a lot of
holidays there together. The nostalgia made me teary at times and for
a hot minute I missed the guy and was happy to feel those emotions,
coz I haven't had enough feelings re: our nasty break up and as I
result haven't been dealing. I think my anger towards him is
definitely decreasing with time and I no longer want my past to
dictate my future with a man.

Well, I'm to bed, but to all the ladies in toxic relationships, (you
usually know them when you're in them) please change your environment,
move away from your current space/physical location and pull yourself
towards yourself. The same goes for toxic jobs as well as general
feelings of negativity. If you can, just break away. It helps ;)

Xxx

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Sent from my mobile device

Falling back in love with love

I have very little time to write this post, but I am just so overwhelmed and need a moment or two to share. I needed this break, Joburg can be so loud and busy, one forgets how peaceful and simple life can be. I have to say my mind is clear and I have had so much time to think about my fashion label goals and how I want things to pan out in the next couple of months to come.

Before I get into my day today and what marvellous things happened, I just need to talk about my plane ride. My oh my, it was a movie scene. I got on the plane and my ex boyfriend's family were on the plane (ex-boyfriend from primary school and my first year of secondary - others might dispute that timeline but anywho) I sat next to his sister and her hubby and their 7 week old baby. Last week I tweeted about love being an urban legend and I usually have outbursts about love- hate speech because, to be quite honest, I haven't gotten over being cheated on by my boyfriend of 4 years. That betrayal has done a lot of damage and I can safely label myself as an angry black mad women (my diary will be out for publishing quite soon- that's a joke btw). Anyway, sitting next to the two of them was very touching because they are a young married, loving couple and that is something I am not exposed to often enough. Their baby is tremendously cute and she slept on my chest for about 25minutes of the ride. Her heart beating so softly on my chest and her small, warm body sleeping so snugly in my arms just made me feel so at peace, in love and full of joy. Then, in the middle of me sipping my Nederburg Merlot, whilst gazing at the city lights beneath us,I hear the pilot with a special announcement. A brave and whipped man was proposing to a lady on the plane and asked the pilot to read out his proposal. The whole plane started clapping, he handed he the ring, she started crying and screaming 'yes' and I felt love all around me and I couldn't help but cry myself.

Love is real and it still exists. One fucker that chose to cheat should not stop a woman from loving freely and wholeheartedly.

Today, whilst Tendo and I were running around to do last minute things for her opening launch event tomorrow, we stopped by the National Art Gallery to meet up with two artists that will be performing tomorrow. The one lady Aura is an amazing poet and musician. She has a Les Nubian, Floetry vibe going on and she is proudly Zimbabwean. Click on here to access her website. I love her music and would love to work with her in future. The other performer is called Purewood and he plays an acoustic vibe with such a soulful voice that turned me on, made me cry and wanna be loved all at the same time. Wowzer, he was brilliant too. I have no web details for him,but hopefully we will be hearing his music on radio soon.

There is amazing talent in Zimbabwe, in Africa as a whole and I'm so glad that young aspiring artists are making names for themselves in an industry that is extremely challenging to be heard and fully appreciated in.

I am having a great time here, meeting different people and helping Tendo make her plans come to life. Her restaurant is called Pangea and I will be sure to take pics and blog about it by the time I get back. I am having a blast here and I am especially happy to say that I am falling in love with love again...

Jetsetting

So I am at the airport about to fly out to Harare for my friend
Tendo's dance studio launch which is tomorrow. I would have cried if I
had missed it and I'm sooo glad she got me a ticket.

Tendo is a friend I've had since I was 15 and we shared an apartment
at uni. She recently opened a dance studio called Rhythmic Dance
Studio - super cool to see a peer running her own business.

I haven't been to Zim since the christmas holidays and I'm looking
forward to it. Apparently I just missed the Brazilian team by a day.
They were kicking Zim's ass in football yesterday, heeheehee!

The next month and a half will be filled ultra awesomeness with all
the hot footballers and yummy foreigners roaming the streets of SA. Oh
man, this could be my big break. My ears will be tuned into highveld
stereo (94.7fm) and my eyes glued on twitter hoping to keep up-to-date
with the footballers whereabouts. Needless to say, I will be a groupie
checking out them footie hotspots.

I have an interview already, next week at an activation agency my
sister works for. This is so funny, I may just be working with my
sister again. I'm tres excited at the prospect of working with her and
earning a salary again. This time a chunkier one. The only person that
knows where I am going is God, and I look forward to seeing what he
has in store for me.

Oh my, a random, not so hot but could be, guy just winked at me. Time
to board my flight! Will try take pics :)

P.S someone is blowing a damn vuvuzela at the boarding gate WTF?????!!!!

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Sent from my mobile device

Agenda for tonight

Tonight I am having a slumber party!!! Whoo hoo! Who would've thought I would have friends in Joburg? Let alone a life. I have a life! On the agenda for tonight's session:







1. Watching Sex and City 2
2. Drinking wine (well I quit alcohol, so watching them drinking wine)
3. Bashing down men whilst confessing that we really and truly wanna be loved by them
4. Bashing down men
5. Chanting independent woman mantras
6. Bashing down men

dreams...

 

This is enough inspiration for me.I just stumbled upon this as I was browsing through one of my bookmarked SA fashion sites, iFashion. One of my fav designers David Tlale made it into the industry through this competition. There are so many great things about winning this competition: cash moola, a mentorship programme with Mr Price - one of my fav and most trendiest stores, and an opportunity to showcase your range at the Elle New Talent show in 2011. FML, I am so tempted to freestyle and just enter, but one step at a time. I am gonna begin by enrolling for a Foundation course at Lisof to do their design and patternmaking short-course.

Hmmmm... dreams

deep sea diving

John Dryden, a british poet, dramatist and critic of literature once said, 'he who would search for pearls must dive below'. I am so for that. I am currently doing some deep sea diving myself.

I quit my job last Monday, and although I say it so casually it was a really difficult decision to arrive at. It took two months of crying, stressing, swearing and venting to finally break down and accept that the time is now. I am not moving to another job, I am moving to a space of uncertainty, the deep blue sea. I have been here before and ironically, it was last year this time. 

I resigned because I had started to feel stagnant and like my life had been put on pause. I feel like the moment you start to get too comfortable and complacent is the moment you need to take your next dive.

Soundtrack to my current love life

Drake feels like a male version of Alicia Keys to me. His lyrics are always heartfelt and strangely, I can relate to them. Love and relationships in our twenties are such a struggle. I mean two people that barely know themselves, trying to get to know each other. Anywho, that song applies to me, and I am still in winter waiting for spring time. Check out the lyrics...

By the way for you who get my blog posts in your mail, it looks ten times prettier on my  actual blog page http://www.twenteasumthing.blogspot.com

Moment of honesty...

my favorite song has a video!!! I love Miss Keys, she is soooo talented and her songs always speak to me! This video brings tears to my eyes. And can I just add that Chad Michael Murray was such a good choice, his eyes are so capturing.

This song though can make you irrational and borderline unstable. It had that effect on me. Had me feeling like I was ready to be with a guy from my past that has actually moved on SWIFTLY... Lol

Oh by the way, for errbady that's going to be in South Africa during the World Cup, would we not be crazy to miss the official world cup concert??? I believe this is going to be a concert of such magnitude and talent. Below is the info:


The Kick-Off Celebration Concert
Orlando Stadium, Johannesburg
Thursday 10 June 2010 4:00 pm

The Artists
Alicia Keys
Angelique Kidjo
Amadou & Mariam
Black Eyed Peas
Blk Jks
Freshlyground
Hugh Masekela
John Legend
Juanes
K'Naan
Mzansi Youth Choir
Shakira
Soweto Gospel Choir
The Parlotones
Tinariwen
Vieux Farka Toure
Vusi Mahlasela

for tickets click here

Manic week to manless in Limpopo...

I have had the craziest week. I was really melting down at the beginning of the week because I am just so overwhelmed. Work is so busy and the problem is, I don't want to be here any longer. I do not feel connected to the company and it is not in line with what I want for my career and the culture clashes with my values.

I had a talk with my boss, was completely honest, maybe blunt is the word. He didn't expect me to be so confrontational and I must say he is sheepish now and treading lighlty. But he apologised and thanked me for my openness. I am done here, its just a matter of time. I am in the same place I was last year at the shitty web design company. The only thing is that last year I was more daring :(

Anywho, to unwind I am off to Limpopo this weekend with some friends. Don't get it twisted, I do not really have a crew of friends, they are a friend of mine's crew. What was soooo funny or rather sad was when I was asked if I had any guy I wanted to take along.... ummmmm.... NOT EVEN ONE comes to mind! I even put an ad on my BBM saying "in need of a weekend special". I mean if Brenda Fassie had one I could too right?

My single friend, Tendi, and I are going with about four couples, in this romantic winter weather, scenic setting, MANLESS! How fun.

Nevertheless, I am thrilled at the thought of getting out of this busy city hustle and bustle to a more tranquil location where I can chill and indulge in my faithful man - Mr Merlot :)

Fashion Shows

This whole week I have been amped about going to my 'first' real fashion show. One of my 'new career path' resolutions is to attend more fashion shows. I heard about it on twitter, this designer I follow called Craig Jacobs, was tweeting about it, hyping it up and I thought, hey, I love the sound of it, why not? It was a Celebrity Catwalk for Charity event at Melrose Arch, The Venue.

So I went to it last night, with my sister Tendayi, and can I just say... No words. First of all there wasn't much advertising that went into it - dubious pointer number one. We searched online for it and all we found was a facebook page and an event guide article on Styleguide. Upon arrival, we were asked to pose for Cleo Magazine, which was cool - coz we had gone dressed to kill. We were sporting Tendayi's own designs - these lovely African print, 80's style shoulder padded jackets that were a big feature in power dressing back then.

I wore mine with tights and boots and she wore hears with this banging black skirt and tights. Pity I don't have pics, coz I forgot my camera at home :(

As we stepped on to the scene, we were kindly handed shots of patrone, which were necessary coz we soon found ourselves in a fashion disaster, to say but the least. The guide article highlighted 'fashionistas' under dress code, but all I saw was lycra and diamonte in the tackiest forms. The fashion show started and it occurred to me that this was a charity auction of clothes designed by Craig Jacobs, not necessarily a fashion show. What a lovely idea, very commendable and that is the one thing I can clap hands to with regards to my whole experience, well that and the glass of Shiraaz that I was sipping on.

The crowd was predominantly white and it made the racial divide in South Africa so apparent to me. I could count on my two hands all the black people present at this event. I love South Africa, I really do, however, I believe the cosmopolitan cities in international hubs, such as South Africa, should reflect a mix of culture, race and character. This wasn't the case here. I want to be a fashion designer, I really do, but is there a racial divide in the industry?

Anyway, that was my experience. I would rate my night as a 2 out 0f 10. There is a street fashion show today in Parkhurst that sounds more up my alley. It also sounds a bit confusing to me though, coz there will be random people on the streets popping up (I guess aspiring models and stylists/designers). This show is on corner 4th and 9th. My curiosity is the my biggest motivation to go. I now just need a wingman to come along with me... Where are my friends :(

CHANGE

Hi guys, I have been MIA since I first began blogging. For a number of reasons; instability, being super busy or super bugged by work, not having access to internet when I feel chatty and feeling blank when I am on my blog. I have had writers block. But, change is here!

Change in so many ways... For one, no more bible posts. We all get busy, who wants to read a 2 page blog about me yapping about my life. Secondly, a lot has changed since I last blogged. I am single now, that boyfriend I used to go on and on about is out of my life. The guy I had a fling with last year is not out of my life, but is not in it either-lol. I am sure with time this shall all be revealed.

You may have noticed that some of you were directed to this blog from your mailbox and that it is completely different to the usual twenteasumthing blog, different look, different url- I am still trying to decide whether I prefer wordpress or blogspot. Anyway, to explain the email notification, I have an option to put the email adds of people I'd like to get notified every time there is a new post. I added you guys because you are people I talk to and the things I write are probably most relevant to you.

Some major things that have changed since I last blogged-

1. I am more settled in Joburg now, I have a job (not really feeling it), we got a car and a bigger apartment and my sis got a job too!
2. I have decided to focus my energy and thinking into my dream, my passion, my first love - fashion. I sooooooo wanna be a fashion designer.
3. I am single, and realising that I may be a serial dater that is psychotically dependent on having a companion. Who am I? Oh yes that reminds me,
4. Who am I? A question that pops up every so often. Who am I? I am at my peak in the quarter-life crisis :/