twenteasumthing

Johannesburg in 2011

2011-01-25T16:50:00.000+02:00

Sleep is for the weak, so they say... Well I am man down today. I am so out of it all. Sitting by my office desk, thinking of getting myself the custom-made toothpicks for eyes that are usually used on cartoon characters. I mean it's only Tuesday??? FML, SMH, OMF!!!

However, in other news, I have decided to experience Johannesburg in a more creative, lively and cultured way. I have spent the last couple of years hopping from one club dancefloor to the next. I have tried Hush, Latinova, The Bank, Moloko, Taboo, Inc and the list goes on... I am done with partying every weekend. It drains not only my energy but my bank account.

I have decided to spend my money on finer experiences with people that matter. Hopefully, I can post my experiences as they go. I know I am bad with posting frequently but I will try.

This Thursday we are going to watch the Mozart Requiem Opening Concert in Park Town. The concert is in commemoration of Mozart, one of the world's greatest composers of classical music. He would have been 250 years old this year.

I won't lie I am no fan of classical music but I'm gonna see what I can get out of being at a live orchestra performance. Will try take pictures and post some feedback on that.

A major update that should have probably been at the beginning of this post is that I have a boyfriend!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! How crazy and funny is that???!!!

He is such a gem. I have never dated anyone with such a kind heart as his. I could write about how funny he is, coz that is usually one of the most important things I look for, he ticks that box on my checklist. What I need to emphasise, which is of greater meaning to me, is that he really and genuinely cares about me and what is best for me. There was a night we were hanging out when we were still fresh into things and I just broke down into tears. I was so overwhelmed by how lovely he was to me, I almost felt like I didn't deserve to be treated so well. It dawned on me that I have been with guys in the past that have been so selfish and destructive to my soul. I have always had to be so strong and guarded. With him I am so relaxed and I can just be who I am.

Oh man, I can't type anymore. I'm so drowsy, I can barely see what I am typing. Lemme go try sleep in the bathroom for the last 20 minutes left.

Mr Delusional meets your Evolved Self

2010-10-04T21:05:00.000+02:00

Ok, I must apologise for the yucky appearance of my blog. It looks like someone puked their christmas pudding that happened to have mustard in it. For some reason I choose to play around with the design of my blog during office hours and then it gets stuck on the yucky themes. Well anywho, after being held at gunpoint by my cousin @MissNySho on Twitter for not posting in years I decided it was high time I came and blabbered a little.

Today my sisters and I were having a lengthly discussion about delusional men and how women have evolved over time. There are some men out there that still think they can faff around on YOUR time and expect to find you sitting where they left you while they were having their cake and chowing it. They fail to see that while they are trying to decide between you and another girl, the evolved woman in you is moving the fuck forward and when they finally wake up and smell the stale, cold coffee, you can barely remember what he was good for.

This delusional man will go AWOL on your ass, you won't hear from him in two whole days because he was 'too busy' or 'didn't feel like talking to anyone". ANYONE?

Mr Delusional will waste your sweet time in the relationship with his stinking arrogant attitude, acting like your Evolved Self begged to be in the relationship. You may ask him why he has locked his phone with an 8 character password or why he goes to whisper in his room when he gets a call at 11pm, or why you have to keep reminding him that you exist and he is lucky to have you. You could find yourself begging for sex because it's been a BLAZING HOT MINUTE since you got some decent shags. Your Evolved Self might even find yourself wondering why he never calls and only communicates with you on Gtalk or when he has an sms bundle.

The day always comes when your Evolved Self dumps the deluded effer and the funniest thing is that Mr Delusional catches a hot wake up clap only to find that you aren't going back to his shit. I am glad to say that women are evolving, thanks to the help of the many Mr Delusional's we have dated. We used to stick around for that crap, we may even still be in a rut facing that crap but we are evolving and those clueless twits will be left with no choice but to catch a wake up.

This here post goes out to all the deluded effers that didn't know what time it was.

Thanks

2010-09-22T17:14:00.000+02:00

This post is all about gratitude. My close friend Tendi (to the right) got her work permit today after waiting since May for it. It got denied and after days of prayer and fasting it is finally out!!!

The struggles we face in life are all tests and lessons. At the end of the day, God is in control. Life in our twenties is full of emotional turmoil, second guessing, self esteem issues, fucking weight gain, scandals, the works. Its all a learning process. Will we ever know who we are? Will we ever know what its all about?

Whatever the case, I feel sooooo grateful to God for friendship, for opportunities, education, family, life.

Life oh life

2010-09-01T00:36:00.001+02:00

My big eyes hurt. They hurt not because I have been crying about a
silly boy but becoz I am typing this post at midnight when I shud be
sleeping and my eyes are always glued to this blackberry and my work
PC screen. But sore eyes won't get in the way of me and this moment.
This is a momentous occasion, I am chatty and there is COMPLETE
silence around me. This is priceless. I can actually think and hear my
inner thoughts.

Well, Hello. Hi :) Life on my end is so fast paced. Its like I'm in an
underground train with no stops. It just keeps moving. Funny coz this
time last year I felt like I was waiting at a train stop, for a train
that didn't seem to be arriving. Life has changed. I couldn't have
predicted my current situation three months ago. I had just quit my
job and was ready for uncertainty. Now I find myself in a rather
predictable routine and who would've guessed I'd be here.

A scary thing I try not to admit is that I get bored of routine. I
love the thrilling experience of not knowing, daring to take risks,
moving forward into something new, kind of like reinventing myself as
I grow up. I am soooo happy in my job, I really am, but do I have
staying power? Guess we'll have to wait and see...

I miss sex. I don't get it these days. Actually, its been a WHILE. I
also miss that stalkerish company that only comes with a boyfriend.
Sharing a bed and cuddling is as rare as shooting stars nowadays and
getting kissed only happens with meaningless randoms that have the
taste of alcohol pasted to their tongues.

It is, however, amazingly refreshing to answer to noone but me. To
wake up everyday and just be able to be myself, independent of someone
else. To not have to bicker with someone or constantly take another
person's feelings into consideration when I'm about to get up to no
good. Ah...the single life!

I have started making pretty skirts that I am selling at rather fair
prices. My only problem is juggling work and meeting the demand for my
skirts. As is I am failing dismally to get this fashion ish started.
Life is hard and growing up even harder, fuck what ya heard!

I'm off to sleep now. The day ahead of me is calling and at this rate
I won't have battery to answer if I don't recharge now...

God's speed. Xxx

Susha

--
Sent from my mobile device

Halla

2010-07-31T09:51:00.001+02:00

It has been way over a month since I visited this place and shared
some rants with you all. Life has been such a blur to me, all I see
when I look back is the faces of the people I got to bar and club hop
with, the people I got home at 5am in the morning, woke up to a
hangover with and did it all over again like for 6 straight weeks
with. I also get flashes of my first days in the office when I barely
knew who I was there and what I was doing.

My communication skills have been appalling, all my friends can atest
to that. It makes me so sad. I think growing up is taking a toll on my
social side and now I see why adult life is lived with such few
friends. I go through so many thoughts, calculations, deadlines and
calls in a day that when I get home my brain is still working on
overdrive and I'm trying so hard to unwind and relax and get in touch
with Pam. Today is the first morning in a loooong time, that I have
woken up alone, with nothing to do on the agenda. And it is the
scariest thing. I can't find Pam. I am sooo used to being busy or
having someone close that I have kind of lost me for a moment.

I spoke to a blast from the past, my ex non boyfriend that I flung
with last year. We haven't spoken in a coupled of months coz there was
nothing more to say. He had moved on with a new gf and all. I had
finally come to terms with the fact that it was the END. And then he
decides to call me from the sky!!! I was at work when he called and I
slipped out vof the office drama and into a rather schizo convo.
He was telling me he had a few glasses of wine and missed me. Alluded
to the fact that he misses me quite often, wanted to see me. He took
the time out to highlight that he is leaving this Sunday and asked me
90 times where my offices were. Oh my friggin days! Guys are such
opportunists!!! He probably just wanted a quick fix! I don't know how
I feel. But I don't wanna see him. Nah ah.

So like I said I am sitting in bed trying to get in touch with Pam and
a big indicator that I am not in touch is my not being aware of how I
feel about ex-non-bf calling. Ah. Whatevs.

Work is cool, I'm loving it. Its just this week was soooo intense for
me. I am a campaign manager in training. So I assist a campaign
manager to learn what the role entails. This Friday she was away in
Cape Town and I had to be her. It was flames!!!!!!! Heeeee

Oh man got to go! Miss you all

Xxx

--
Sent from my mobile device

Wanderlust

2010-06-08T00:00:00.001+02:00

I'm back in Joburg now. Got back this morning, rushed home to shower
and prepare for my interview. Had such a jam packed day, but that's
just what wonderwoman is built for.

I used my charm, remained composed and showed the directors that were
interviewing me who I really am and what I bring to the table. I am so
confident that the direction I am headed in is the one I am meant to
be taking and in all honesty all I need to give is my best and the
rest remains in God's hands.

Zim was a breath of fresh air, just what the doctor would have
prescribed for whatever ailment one gets from living in the chaotic,
flustering city called Joburg. No doubt I love JHB, land of
opportunities, concrete jungle where dreams are made of (and where
xenophobic attacks erupt like volcanoes with racial and poverty kind
of lava in them threatening to explode at any moment - random tangent,
sorry).

Zim was exciting, relaxing and especially heartwarming. The night sky
is what all tourists should look forward to. I have never seen such
clear skies. Because the country isn't too lit up the stars are more
visible. I remember being in London and feeling so unmoved and
uninspired by the view of the nightsky.

I got to party like a rockstar, I ate nyummy african food, saw old
friends, visited old places and just connected with my old home town.

I am back with a clear mind and I am happy to be in a clean mental
space. Very lovely place to be as an unemployed...oops I mean
freelancing lady such as myself.

Before I go to bed, I forgot to say, this weekend my ex was popping
into my mind. Zim really reminds me off him coz we spent a lot of
holidays there together. The nostalgia made me teary at times and for
a hot minute I missed the guy and was happy to feel those emotions,
coz I haven't had enough feelings re: our nasty break up and as I
result haven't been dealing. I think my anger towards him is
definitely decreasing with time and I no longer want my past to
dictate my future with a man.

Well, I'm to bed, but to all the ladies in toxic relationships, (you
usually know them when you're in them) please change your environment,
move away from your current space/physical location and pull yourself
towards yourself. The same goes for toxic jobs as well as general
feelings of negativity. If you can, just break away. It helps ;)

Xxx

--
Sent from my mobile device

Falling back in love with love

2010-06-04T14:54:00.001+02:00

I have very little time to write this post, but I am just so overwhelmed and need a moment or two to share. I needed this break, Joburg can be so loud and busy, one forgets how peaceful and simple life can be. I have to say my mind is clear and I have had so much time to think about my fashion label goals and how I want things to pan out in the next couple of months to come.

Before I get into my day today and what marvellous things happened, I just need to talk about my plane ride. My oh my, it was a movie scene. I got on the plane and my ex boyfriend's family were on the plane (ex-boyfriend from primary school and my first year of secondary - others might dispute that timeline but anywho) I sat next to his sister and her hubby and their 7 week old baby. Last week I tweeted about love being an urban legend and I usually have outbursts about love- hate speech because, to be quite honest, I haven't gotten over being cheated on by my boyfriend of 4 years. That betrayal has done a lot of damage and I can safely label myself as an angry black mad women (my diary will be out for publishing quite soon- that's a joke btw). Anyway, sitting next to the two of them was very touching because they are a young married, loving couple and that is something I am not exposed to often enough. Their baby is tremendously cute and she slept on my chest for about 25minutes of the ride. Her heart beating so softly on my chest and her small, warm body sleeping so snugly in my arms just made me feel so at peace, in love and full of joy. Then, in the middle of me sipping my Nederburg Merlot, whilst gazing at the city lights beneath us,I hear the pilot with a special announcement. A brave and whipped man was proposing to a lady on the plane and asked the pilot to read out his proposal. The whole plane started clapping, he handed he the ring, she started crying and screaming 'yes' and I felt love all around me and I couldn't help but cry myself.

Love is real and it still exists. One fucker that chose to cheat should not stop a woman from loving freely and wholeheartedly.

Today, whilst Tendo and I were running around to do last minute things for her opening launch event tomorrow, we stopped by the National Art Gallery to meet up with two artists that will be performing tomorrow. The one lady Aura is an amazing poet and musician. She has a Les Nubian, Floetry vibe going on and she is proudly Zimbabwean. Click on here to access her website. I love her music and would love to work with her in future. The other performer is called Purewood and he plays an acoustic vibe with such a soulful voice that turned me on, made me cry and wanna be loved all at the same time. Wowzer, he was brilliant too. I have no web details for him,but hopefully we will be hearing his music on radio soon.

There is amazing talent in Zimbabwe, in Africa as a whole and I'm so glad that young aspiring artists are making names for themselves in an industry that is extremely challenging to be heard and fully appreciated in.

I am having a great time here, meeting different people and helping Tendo make her plans come to life. Her restaurant is called Pangea and I will be sure to take pics and blog about it by the time I get back. I am having a blast here and I am especially happy to say that I am falling in love with love again...

Jetsetting

2010-06-03T19:58:00.001+02:00

So I am at the airport about to fly out to Harare for my friend
Tendo's dance studio launch which is tomorrow. I would have cried if I
had missed it and I'm sooo glad she got me a ticket.

Tendo is a friend I've had since I was 15 and we shared an apartment
at uni. She recently opened a dance studio called Rhythmic Dance
Studio - super cool to see a peer running her own business.

I haven't been to Zim since the christmas holidays and I'm looking
forward to it. Apparently I just missed the Brazilian team by a day.
They were kicking Zim's ass in football yesterday, heeheehee!

The next month and a half will be filled ultra awesomeness with all
the hot footballers and yummy foreigners roaming the streets of SA. Oh
man, this could be my big break. My ears will be tuned into highveld
stereo (94.7fm) and my eyes glued on twitter hoping to keep up-to-date
with the footballers whereabouts. Needless to say, I will be a groupie
checking out them footie hotspots.

I have an interview already, next week at an activation agency my
sister works for. This is so funny, I may just be working with my
sister again. I'm tres excited at the prospect of working with her and
earning a salary again. This time a chunkier one. The only person that
knows where I am going is God, and I look forward to seeing what he
has in store for me.

Oh my, a random, not so hot but could be, guy just winked at me. Time
to board my flight! Will try take pics :)

P.S someone is blowing a damn vuvuzela at the boarding gate WTF?????!!!!

--
Sent from my mobile device

Agenda for tonight

2010-05-28T10:21:00.002+02:00

Tonight I am having a slumber party!!! Whoo hoo! Who would've thought I would have friends in Joburg? Let alone a life. I have a life! On the agenda for tonight's session:

1. Watching Sex and City 2
2. Drinking wine (well I quit alcohol, so watching them drinking wine)
3. Bashing down men whilst confessing that we really and truly wanna be loved by them
4. Bashing down men
5. Chanting independent woman mantras
6. Bashing down men

dreams...

2010-05-26T11:07:00.000+02:00

This is enough inspiration for me.I just stumbled upon this as I was browsing through one of my bookmarked SA fashion sites, iFashion. One of my fav designers David Tlale made it into the industry through this competition. There are so many great things about winning this competition: cash moola, a mentorship programme with Mr Price - one of my fav and most trendiest stores, and an opportunity to showcase your range at the Elle New Talent show in 2011. FML, I am so tempted to freestyle and just enter, but one step at a time. I am gonna begin by enrolling for a Foundation course at Lisof to do their design and patternmaking short-course.

Hmmmm... dreams

deep sea diving

2010-05-25T17:20:00.001+02:00

John Dryden, a british poet, dramatist and critic of literature once said, 'he who would search for pearls must dive below'. I am so for that. I am currently doing some deep sea diving myself.

I quit my job last Monday, and although I say it so casually it was a really difficult decision to arrive at. It took two months of crying, stressing, swearing and venting to finally break down and accept that the time is now. I am not moving to another job, I am moving to a space of uncertainty, the deep blue sea. I have been here before and ironically, it was last year this time.

I resigned because I had started to feel stagnant and like my life had been put on pause. I feel like the moment you start to get too comfortable and complacent is the moment you need to take your next dive.

Soundtrack to my current love life

2010-05-25T13:26:00.001+02:00

Drake feels like a male version of Alicia Keys to me. His lyrics are always heartfelt and strangely, I can relate to them. Love and relationships in our twenties are such a struggle. I mean two people that barely know themselves, trying to get to know each other. Anywho, that song applies to me, and I am still in winter waiting for spring time. Check out the lyrics...

By the way for you who get my blog posts in your mail, it looks ten times prettier on my actual blog page http://www.twenteasumthing.blogspot.com

Moment of honesty...

2010-05-13T08:06:00.000+02:00

my favorite song has a video!!! I love Miss Keys, she is soooo talented and her songs always speak to me! This video brings tears to my eyes. And can I just add that Chad Michael Murray was such a good choice, his eyes are so capturing.

This song though can make you irrational and borderline unstable. It had that effect on me. Had me feeling like I was ready to be with a guy from my past that has actually moved on SWIFTLY... Lol

Oh by the way, for errbady that's going to be in South Africa during the World Cup, would we not be crazy to miss the official world cup concert??? I believe this is going to be a concert of such magnitude and talent. Below is the info:

The Kick-Off Celebration Concert
Orlando Stadium, Johannesburg
Thursday 10 June 2010 4:00 pm

The Artists
Alicia Keys
Angelique Kidjo
Amadou & Mariam
Black Eyed Peas
Blk Jks
Freshlyground
Hugh Masekela
John Legend
Juanes
K'Naan
Mzansi Youth Choir
Shakira
Soweto Gospel Choir
The Parlotones
Tinariwen
Vieux Farka Toure
Vusi Mahlasela

for tickets click here

Manic week to manless in Limpopo...

2010-05-13T07:28:00.000+02:00

I have had the craziest week. I was really melting down at the beginning of the week because I am just so overwhelmed. Work is so busy and the problem is, I don't want to be here any longer. I do not feel connected to the company and it is not in line with what I want for my career and the culture clashes with my values.

I had a talk with my boss, was completely honest, maybe blunt is the word. He didn't expect me to be so confrontational and I must say he is sheepish now and treading lighlty. But he apologised and thanked me for my openness. I am done here, its just a matter of time. I am in the same place I was last year at the ~~shitty~~ web design company. The only thing is that last year I was more daring :(

Anywho, to unwind I am off to Limpopo this weekend with some friends. Don't get it twisted, I do not really have a crew of friends, they are a friend of mine's crew. What was soooo funny or rather sad was when I was asked if I had any guy I wanted to take along.... ummmmm.... NOT EVEN ONE comes to mind! I even put an ad on my BBM saying "in need of a weekend special". I mean if Brenda Fassie had one I could too right?

My single friend, Tendi, and I are going with about four couples, in this romantic winter weather, scenic setting, MANLESS! How fun.

Nevertheless, I am thrilled at the thought of getting out of this busy city hustle and bustle to a more tranquil location where I can chill and indulge in my faithful man - Mr Merlot :)

Fashion Shows

2010-05-01T12:59:00.000+02:00

This whole week I have been amped about going to my 'first' real fashion show. One of my 'new career path' resolutions is to attend more fashion shows. I heard about it on twitter, this designer I follow called Craig Jacobs, was tweeting about it, hyping it up and I thought, hey, I love the sound of it, why not? It was a Celebrity Catwalk for Charity event at Melrose Arch, The Venue.

So I went to it last night, with my sister Tendayi, and can I just say... No words. First of all there wasn't much advertising that went into it - dubious pointer number one. We searched online for it and all we found was a facebook page and an event guide article on Styleguide. Upon arrival, we were asked to pose for Cleo Magazine, which was cool - coz we had gone dressed to kill. We were sporting Tendayi's own designs - these lovely African print, 80's style shoulder padded jackets that were a big feature in power dressing back then.

I wore mine with tights and boots and she wore hears with this banging black skirt and tights. Pity I don't have pics, coz I forgot my camera at home :(

As we stepped on to the scene, we were kindly handed shots of patrone, which were necessary coz we soon found ourselves in a fashion disaster, to say but the least. The guide article highlighted 'fashionistas' under dress code, but all I saw was lycra and diamonte in the tackiest forms. The fashion show started and it occurred to me that this was a charity auction of clothes designed by Craig Jacobs, not necessarily a fashion show. What a lovely idea, very commendable and that is the one thing I can clap hands to with regards to my whole experience, well that and the glass of Shiraaz that I was sipping on.

The crowd was predominantly white and it made the racial divide in South Africa so apparent to me. I could count on my two hands all the black people present at this event. I love South Africa, I really do, however, I believe the cosmopolitan cities in international hubs, such as South Africa, should reflect a mix of culture, race and character. This wasn't the case here. I want to be a fashion designer, I really do, but is there a racial divide in the industry?

Anyway, that was my experience. I would rate my night as a 2 out 0f 10. There is a street fashion show today in Parkhurst that sounds more up my alley. It also sounds a bit confusing to me though, coz there will be random people on the streets popping up (I guess aspiring models and stylists/designers). This show is on corner 4th and 9th. My curiosity is the my biggest motivation to go. I now just need a wingman to come along with me... Where are my friends :(

CHANGE

2010-05-01T12:01:00.000+02:00

Hi guys, I have been MIA since I first began blogging. For a number of reasons; instability, being super busy or super bugged by work, not having access to internet when I feel chatty and feeling blank when I am on my blog. I have had writers block. But, change is here!

Change in so many ways... For one, no more bible posts. We all get busy, who wants to read a 2 page blog about me yapping about my life. Secondly, a lot has changed since I last blogged. I am single now, that boyfriend I used to go on and on about is out of my life. The guy I had a fling with last year is not out of my life, but is not in it either-lol. I am sure with time this shall all be revealed.

You may have noticed that some of you were directed to this blog from your mailbox and that it is completely different to the usual twenteasumthing blog, different look, different url- I am still trying to decide whether I prefer wordpress or blogspot. Anyway, to explain the email notification, I have an option to put the email adds of people I'd like to get notified every time there is a new post. I added you guys because you are people I talk to and the things I write are probably most relevant to you.

Some major things that have changed since I last blogged-

1. I am more settled in Joburg now, I have a job (not really feeling it), we got a car and a bigger apartment and my sis got a job too!
2. I have decided to focus my energy and thinking into my dream, my passion, my first love - fashion. I sooooooo wanna be a fashion designer.
3. I am single, and realising that I may be a serial dater that is psychotically dependent on having a companion. Who am I? Oh yes that reminds me,
4. Who am I? A question that pops up every so often. Who am I? I am at my peak in the quarter-life crisis :/

oh schnapp!!!

2009-06-13T22:56:00.006+02:00

I am just sooooo shocked that someone, as small, immature, confused, scared, outgoing, selfish, consumed, and young as me could have a child!!! When I use those words they are purely in the context of me having a child. NOT a reflection of me, well who knows???

Anywho, I was on Facebook chatting to a lady I was in high school with, maybe to emphasise the point, a GIRL I was in high school with, and she has 2 kids. (twentea3 years old BTW) and she has 2 kids. Now these kids are chewable jelly jots, incredibly cute. Her HUSBAND is pretty good looking, and for an Indian fellow, I would profile him as a leading Bollywood actor. Now the big BUT is that she is only twentea3!!!

Am I just not mature enough? Or am I too selfish? My immediate needs are : boots, mac powder, mac eyeliner, mac eyeshadow, bags, my hair, a blackberry storm, a new laptop ummmmm....the list is endless. My needs would be: nappies, or are should I say diapers (is that how you spell it?), I can't even list the needs...schnap!

Lets leave it at that. BTW, schnap is my new fav word. I know ppl say snap, but schnap is cool. The fact that I have drifted from the discussion at hand to talk about my new fav word is my point exactly... What is the difference between me and my age mates that have kids and are married?

I am super chatty and hung over today, hence the mumble jumble in that paragraph above this one. I am hung over from partying last night and here we are, back to my point...Could I be telling baby Sam to shush, the milk is coming, its just heating up, shhhh, to stop crying, as hung over as I am? Am I ready to give up these nights of dancing till 5am, shooting jagerbombs and feeling young, full of life and energy and being babyless??? BTW, Sam is not the name I would give my baby, no offense.

So my bf is buying me a ticket to go see him all the way in Capetown. Ok, we wouldn't call that all the way, but we are fresh out of uni and him buying me a ticket to another town in the same country makes it feel like its ALL the way in Capetown. I mean we have never been seperated for this long, and him saying he misses me soooo much, as broke as he is - coz he is a model in between jobs- and is buying me a ticket, takes our relationship to another level. Now, if this is what I am getting excited about, try adding some babies to the situation.

Disclaimer: I do love babies, I am proud of baby mamas, even at my age, but I just can't picture being you. So this is not an attempt to put you in a corner and point manicured fingers at you, but is simply an expression of how people are so uniquely different and your species, in particular, happens to be so alien to me.

Further note: anyone sexually active could become a baby mama, including me, if things slip or tear during the activity and that morning after pill just doesn't believe I should pursue my career so aggressively anymore. This topic though, is focusing on the under twenteasixes that actually are ready to have baby and a babydaddy/hubby and consciously choose that path.

All I can say is that if I were to fall preg today, my first words would be, oh shnapp!

and in to the deep end!

2009-06-09T00:30:00.002+02:00

So today I quit my job. Yeah, I quit my job. No I do not have any job offers, or interviews. But on top of that I would like to add that I do not have any kids to feed either. So lets not panic.

At the beginning of this year I said, and knew, that 2009 is going to be a BIG year for me. Pivotal and life changing. Bold and risky. And my job was none of the above. So I have taken a dive into the deep end of unemployment and uncertainty!!!

And I'm not scared...Am I looney? Have I lost it?

Dang...

2009-06-04T12:03:00.001+02:00

We all have a guy we perve over!!! Dang...

hmmm?

2009-06-04T10:08:00.000+02:00

twenteaSumthing... hmmm??? confusion is the very word that comes to mind when I think of being a twenteaSumthing.

You like him, or maybe you love him? You have been with him for four years, should you be getting married? Everyone else seems to be, why are you not feeling the same way? ~~Or are you feeling it and just telling yourself you're not~~...No you're not, or maybe. hmmm?

You wish you had a bf, someone to cuddle, call you every night before you shut your eyes, someone for YOU. Where is he? Is he the guy you find cute in your Ethics class, the guy across the building from where you work, or your friend's mate you were introduced to while you were out last weekend? Hmmm, "but maybe being single isnt that bad", you think, your last relationship left you burnt, your sister got a devasting shocker when she found out her bf of 9 years was married, you girlfriend suspects her man is cheating, and you find yourself concluding - from time to time, even though you ARE concluding and it should stop there, this same conclusion seems to be reconcluded, that men are full of ~~shit~~. Hmmm are they all?

This job you wake up to go to every bleeding morning is not where you had planned to be working after grad. Were you not supposed to be in a power suit, presenting a marketing plan to the Directors at Anglo Platinum or Octagon or at least a friggin known name multinational corporation??? What are you doing at this no name, going nowhere slowly company that has a BIG VISION and "all we need to do is ABC, generate leads and push" to ONE day become a well established market leader? Is that your vision? Is that where you wanna be 20 years from now? But then right now, do you have enough working experience to be elsewhere? Do you? Hmmm???

Is the weight you are gaining really natural, seeing as you are in your twenteas, and you are developing into a woman? Or is that the fat from all those nights you go out and drink to your hearts desire, leave the club and order a boerwors roll, or maybe even two, with mustard and ketchup and oil sitting in a nice big fat bun? That blackforest cake you crave, then buy and have with a few glasses of wine after a huge pasta dish you made, could that be it??? Hmmm???

So you start jogging and develop a diet that requires discipline and a radical change to your lifestyle and mental processes, and you are convinced, this time, just THIS TIME, you can do it, you are focused, for once THIS TIME. Will you succumb to these twenteapressures and keep layering that flab? Or will your fears of turning into those doombuzz, invisible-collerbone, love handled chics in their twenteas keep you jogging??? hmmm??? Will the crunk gwaza that is out till 4 am, starving like a mutha actually stay AWAY from that boerwors stand??? Hmmm???

confusion is the very word that comes to mind when I think of twenteaSumthing.

the grass is always greener...

2009-06-04T07:47:00.000+02:00

so there are alot of mackers, quite alot. the most recent edition has all the stats a girl would want. tall, dark and handsome. a body to die for. seems sweet. not majorly interesting but will do. tax analyst for a few years. hello!!! and all i can think about the whole time he is telling me about his feelings for me, how he is gonna come out and visit me, how he wants to take me out to lunch tomorrow, is the fact that i wish it was you saying all this. i wish it was you looking at me like that. i wish you had the time and the drive to talk to me. i wish we could go on a real date. so sad, so silly. these thoughts will have to be regulated. but i guess its true that the grass is always greener, coz right now my grass is in need of some cultivation. and i wish it was you.

i know i shouldnt be smiling but..

2009-06-02T06:29:00.000+02:00

i'm being so silly..i shouldnt be smiling at all, especially because of my recent thoughts about men and relationships. but seeing him made me smile, ok lets get serious, it made me jump a bit inside. seeing how happy he was to see me made me smile too. our conversation made me smile. i mean it was junk really. total junk. i wasnt even listening to him half the time, i was just so happy to see him. i know, i know, i shouldnt be smiling, and yes i did act bossy and nonchalent. i did act quite calm (ok a few giggles came out, but give a girl a break). and it is inappropriate, we are definitely friends, but its a long time since anyone made me feel like that. happy. giddy. smiley. and happy that they felt happy, giddy and smiley too. i cant express the emotions but just give me one night to feel good about them. because its been a long time since ive felt that chemistry and that happiness. and though absolutely nothing will come of it (at least in the present) - it felt good. so i'm smiling, for now..

the game...

2009-05-22T20:10:00.000+02:00

so I've been practicing my patience is a virtue mindset and I've been "doing me". lol. we've all done it, looking good because you can, going out, flirting a little. so predictable but so necessary. went out and had fun, seriously i had fun, and what do you know, it's when you are actually having fun and not sitting by the damn phone when he actually will call. he called. i didnt answer. partly because i was busy, but also because i didnt know what to say. he left a voice mail and it was bitter sweet. the sweet side is knowing that he cares, i can hear it in his nervousness, his random msg that says nothing but attempts to say everything. the bitter side is that it isnt enough - we both know it and I'm scared to face those facts. so as i sit and i wait, plan and plot what i will say when i call, when i lay down the law. and i laugh. i laugh so hard because it is so funny how when i finally speak to him i will say what is necessary but never say how i truly feel. i will act in control of the situation, be reasonable, practical and calm. but on the inside all i want to do is say how much i enjoy his company, how he makes me smile and laugh, and i just want us to be normal. but unfortunately we threw normal out the window a long time ago and now its just a fight for me to do what i know i need to do. does the game ever end?? i feel like the game starts when we begin realizing boys can be more than friends, right up until we get married. the game gets even more intense in our twenties..the game we play in pre-dating phases when you are 'playing hard to get', making sure he respects you and showing that you are interested all at the same time. exhausting. then in relationships its always making sure your standards are respected, that power play dance and making sure he knows he's got a good thing all at the same time. exhausting! then the break up game - being a boss bitch on the outside yet crying bitter, sad tears on the inside - so exhausting! does true love mean there are no games anymore? or do the games go on, no matter what the age or situation?

patience is a virtue...

2009-05-20T20:47:00.000+02:00

its like the minutes had transformed themselves into painful hours, the hours into neverending days and each day feels like a long year. when would the results come? when would i hit up my inbox and see an acceptance letter, an invitation to come out for an interview - a recognition of all the painful studying i had done for my whole life? when would he call? did he care? but what would i say when he did? my desires had somehow found their way into my dreams, troubled dreams that woke me up with a start, only to realise that the dream was a dream and reality still had me waiting. i remember in form one we had to write an essay about where we would be 10 years from now..i was so hopeful, it seemed so easy. 23! i would be and adult - independent and grown, married (at the very least engaged). but here i am, twentea3, a confused twenteasomething..life isnt that easy for a twenteagirl/woman. trying to do what i can academically to build a professional life. trying to set standards with him that will train me to set standards with my future someone. time goes slowly and its so hard, so damn hard to keep pushing - but it keeps ringing in my head - patience is a virtue, a gift, it will all work out...

Sango rinopa waneta

2009-05-18T11:09:00.000+02:00

Amen to that. I was super fed up with life last Sunday. I cried from the depth of my belly as my sister drove my other sister and I home from her place on Mother's day. I wanted my mummy, more that a 4 year old that has been dropped of at nursery for the first time. I was ready to give up on growing up. Pack my bags, breach my lease and fly off to dear Zambia where mummy and daddy are. I could barely speak in the car and did not want to talk to anyone. I woke up the next morning with no desire to move a toe out of bed. And to top it all up, it was frigging freezing as hell (lol).
I got to work and could not talk, think, listen. I wasn't myself. I was just a body occupying space. I felt dead and disconnected. Then I opened my email box and read an email my sister had sent. And the words that changed my life were "sango rinopa waneta". Translation: the forest gives to you when you are tired. Direct translation sucks, but to me it meant that when I am tired, I have tried and I am hopeless and exhausted, that is when I will receive. Sometimes we try so hard to make things work. We think that what we want will materialise in the time we expect it to.

So I let go, and decided to be happy where I am, with what I have and make the most of my situation. As soon as I did that I met someone that absolutely loved my marketing skills (he picked this up in a conversation we had over drinks) and referred someone to me from a company that I would die to work for! They should be calling me today to tell me about a vacant position they would like to interview me for.

Sango rinopa waneta!

im lovin angels

2009-04-23T22:25:00.000+02:00

I am convinced that some people we meet in life are actual angels. But we dont know it. They come into our lives for a purpose, big or small. And they touch our hearts and they touch are lives in a way that makes them never the same again.

28000

2009-04-20T21:27:00.000+02:00

28ooo rand is how much I need to get a car I saw today! Somehow, a miracle is going to happen. I will have that car!

toddlers....

2009-04-17T13:00:00.000+02:00

I hate it when people don't take me seriously because:

I look younger than I am
or I sound younger
I am younger

SUPER sMiley :)

2009-04-17T10:01:00.000+02:00

Today I feel totally happy. Me and bf had a long conversation about his communication. I love the fact that we can talk through our issues. We don't leave things hanging and nothing is kept suppressed. He apologised for the other day and we are making things work. Im also SUPER sMiley coz its a Friday, bright and sunny and I just feel this positive energy flowing thru my veins. Today I feel like every little thing is gonna be alright!!!

2009-04-15T15:48:00.000+02:00

Liverpool... last night's game against Chelsea was well played. i like...........

2009-04-14T20:30:00.000+02:00

OH MY GOD, when it rains it fucking pours!!! I did not mean to use the name God and the word Fuck in the same sentence but its helping me express how bleak this THUNDERSTORM really is. I am sore, I am tired and I feel so alone. And the shit thing about it is I have a boyfriend to show for this loneliness.

Life is SO hard. As I write that sentence I get so teary. My tears sting so bad, I feel like I have been squeezing lemons in them. Life is SO hard and it seems to be getting more trying. Work is a struggle, from politics in the office to general confusion in my role at the company. Money is to me as it is to a beggar on the street. So bleeding scarce. I am in debt, I have to pay rent and I have to eat. I am working on a visitors visa whilst waiting for my work permit to be processed. Do not have a fuckin car. Or a frikkin license to begin with.

Now on top of that. I initiate almost ALL the communication exchanges between me and my bf. I feel so unwanted, undesirable and insignificant. I know he loves me but he either has ADD (his fav excuse) or responding to my sms. My heart feels like tracing paper right now. So thin and easy to tear. IM SOOOOO fedthefuckup. AAAARGH

OTTTMI

2009-04-06T19:56:00.000+02:00

Over The Top Too Much Info

This is my TMI section

world, hold on!!!

2009-04-06T12:02:00.000+02:00

World Hold On!!! I spent my Sunday feeling sorry for myself. I must say though, that I don't have R3.00 in my account anymore. Some money checked in from a friend that cares. (that means MORE DEBT). Anyway, I was feeling sorry for myself coz

my boyfriend is going to Cape Town for a month and might move there if his modelling career calls him to do so :( That means a somewhat long distance relationship and being the clinger that I am I wont be able to cope.
work was awful last week... the idiot I report to can't manage his own issues, both personal and professional. So I guess that tells you enough about his management skills. The best way to describe him is "pmsing biyatch".
went out on Thursday night and ailed a bit OTT, I was hanging for two days str8.

So all those bulleted factors had me feeling sorry for myself and my twenteaSumthing shitty life. But then something really interesting happened when my sister and I were on our way home from dropping our brother off in Roodepoort........
We were trying to decide whether to use the William Nicol route or the Jan Smuts route to get home. For some reason my sister said we should take the Jan Smuts route. As we drove down Jan Smuts and approached Bompas Rd we saw a woman, probably in her forties with a little girl by her side. This was at 9.34pm which is such a dangerous time to be trying to get transport. So we stopped for them and they asked us for a ride. We dont normally stop for randos but for some other reason we made an exception.
As we drove down Bompas, the woman, burst into a flood of tears. She said her name was Jennifer, can't remember the daughters name though. Anyway, she was so overwhelmed and explained her situation to us. She had been kicked out by her drunk landlady because she had failed to pay her rent in full. She is a house helper and earns her monthly living by working as a maid for an Australian woman. The lady she works for is in Australia for some weeks and only paid her R1000 for the month. Her rent is R1500 and she was short of R500. It was so heartbreaking to hear her story. Her daughter just sat there, a very strong young lady aged 12. As Jennifer cried about her single mother issues, my sister and I felt so heartbroken and could not just drop her and her daughter without helping them. She wanted us to drop her in Melrose Arch so she could go beg or R500. After driving around disucssing her options we decided to give her the money. She was so grateful and would not stop crying and praying and thanking us! She is an aspiring musician and I believe life is gonna give her a chance. Life is gonna give me a chance. Life is gonna give us a chance.
World Hold On!!!

twenteaSumthing???

2009-03-28T17:06:00.000+02:00

TwenteaSumthing is the phase in one's life that I feel is not discussed enough. People always go on and on about the "teenage phase", "life after forty", "menopause" or the famous "mid-life crisis". But never about the phase of TwenteaSumthing.

This blog is mainly for us in our twenties and the harsh times we are experiencing in the twenteaSumthing phase. I mean life has so drastically changed, with America having a black Kenyan president, global warming, the Zimbabwe crisis, global recession and loads more.

We are simply trying to grow the fuck up and find ourselves, jobs and partners or at least some form of stability. And then, as women, I cant speak on behalf of the opp sex as I have humps in places they don't and emotions that they cudnt begin2understand, but as I was saying, as women in the twenteaSumthing phase, we find that our emotions become more uncontrollable, esp during pms. We begin to put on weight a lot quicker than we can lose it (in my case., I get chicken wings on my back, love handles and flabby arms...I wont even mention the tummy situation).

There is just SOOOO much happening and I have found a place ideal for me to VENT, most importantly and share my experiences with all females in the twenteaSumthing phase.... right here on this blog. I would like to share a bit of info with you before we go any further, just so you get a clear idea of who I am.

I am female, not sure whether to call myself a girl or a woman yet.
I graduated last year, in South Africa at an Australian University.
The best way to describe myself is random.
I got a job at a company in Johannesburg and I work with my sister.
I have a boyfriend that I am madly in love with (you will find out more abt him)
I come from a big family.
I am going thru so much shit in the form of uncertainty in my life, (the main discussion in this blog).
I am half Zambian, half Zimbabwean, lived in Botswana, Zimbabwe, London and I now live in South Africa.
I do NOT have children, and do not plan to have any for 5 more years, neither does my Boyfriend.
I have R 3.00 in my account, which couldnt buy more than a sweet. I have not yet received my salary as I have been working at the company for 3 weeks. I live in a bachelor apartment with my sister (we share a bed). Our older sister has been supporting us. Which has been lovely, but it really sucks when you feel like a liability.
We don't have a car, we use my uncle's wreck of a car.
I live everyday as it comes. I am on probation at work for the next three months so that means a super-basic salary.
A random bystander could look at me and think life is all good, which is far from true right now, but like my sister says, fake it till you make it!

So thats a snapshot of my life. Hustle, hustle, hustle. TwenteaFRIKKINSumthing!!!